UNTITLED- - I can not think of a title....

I try my best to be a good friend but it never works. No matter how hard I try it never works. ever. I can't wait until high school is over so all of this drama and dumb shit can be over. I hate it all. I sometimes wish that I can just disappear and start over. Hoping for a better life, until I realize that no matter what I'll always be stuck here. I hate the feeling of loneliness. I wish I didn't remember every hurtful thing a person said. No matter what I try to block all of those sentences out of my head, but they always come back. haunting me, making me cry, making me feel alone. I try my best not to judge people, but its hard for me. Everyone judges, just not everyone says it aloud. Maybe there is a reason why I judge people a lot, ever thought about that? apparently not. I wish I didn't trust people so much. Thats why I get hurt over and over again. I wish I could just walk away from this. from everything. But I cant, im stuck here. Someday I hope this will all go away and everything will be right for once.

I thought I was okay...

I thought I was okay,
I told myself that I'd be okay...
But the truth is, I was just lying, trying to cover up my hurt.
I sit here and wait,
but what am I waiting for?
Not even I know...
I try not to cry,
try not to show my pain,
but deep down inside i'm broken...
The sad this is,
I was never even your's...
No one understands,
but I don't expect them too,
I dont expect anyone too,
not even myself.
I think of all of the memories we had,
I got butterfiles whenever I saw you,
I got so nervous,
my heartbeat quickened,
whenever I saw that you were calling me I squealed in delight...
What happened?
I regret so much,
I was so stupid...
but how can you possibly blame this all on me?
How can you say you don't have time for me?
I wish I didn't care...
but no matter how hard I try,
there will always be a part of me that will...
Some days I don't even notice the pain,
its become a normal part of my life.
I don't know what to do anymore...
I've tried and tried, but I just keeping pushing you away.
I fall apart every time I think of you,
but no one seems to care,
not even you...

My weekend!

Wow...I had a really great weekend! So Friday night my b.s.f. [best school friend] slept over and we had SO much fun and bonded a lot! HAIRBRUSH!! Yummy twizzlers! hehe. Then Saturday we went to a fun fair in my town! But it was sorta boring...so we went back to my house and went swimming and got tan! :D lol. OHHH, and at the fun fair we made these really cool record player CD's with paint and they are really cool. So yeah! Then we just HUNGED[<333]out at my house and watched TV and then I went to tutoring! After that I went to dinner with my parents and then watched TAKEN. It was a really good movie. I recommend you go rent it. =]It was just fun to talk to hang out with them since I don't send a lot of time with them. Then today was just a lazy day. I love weekends like that!!! I'm watching Desperate Housewives right now, it's sorta inappropriate, but I still like it. XD
Oh, so I'm reading Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas Sparks and there is this one quote that I really like. "Never forget that anticipation is an important part of life. Work's important, family's important, but without excitement, you have nothing. You're cheating yourself if you refuse to enjoy what's coming." I really really really like that. And its SO true.
Its already 10:40 so I better get ready for bed, even though I probably won't fall asleep by 12, gahhhh. haha.
Hopefully this school week isn't too stressful. I have a French Test tomorrow and Math Test Friday and I just have to really get good grades and Final's are coming up. Oh wow, Sometimes school can just be really annoying. But when I think about it, if I was given the choice to stay home and not go to school or go to school on my own, I'd go to school. It's not that I don't like going school, its just sometimes it is really annoying and I don't like all my classes. Enough about that. =]]]]]
hugs and kisses,
Cami

A poem for the one who will never read it...

I'm slowing falling apart,
my tears still seem to fall,
my hope is starting to fade,
my memories of you are breaking my heart,
but somehow you continued to move on,
breaking my heart,
sucking my hope right out of me,
forgetting our past,
everything we had,
you threw it down the drain,
and here I sit,
waiting for the day you'll come back to me,
waiting for the day I hear my phone ring and see that its you calling,
but as I write this,
its hurts to know that all I can do is wait,
wait for the things that I know will never come,
and so this tattered little heart of mine still beats,
but its slowly,
slowly breaking in pieces.


Yup, thats my poem! Its really bad, I know! hehe. Nothing much happening in my life! You know what I wanna do though? I wanna get a beer bottle, or wine bottle, either will do, and write a letter to HIM [a.k.a. CHUCK] and put it in that bottle and set it out to sea....I know he'd never read it, but still! I think it'd be fun! Yes I do! hahahaha.

QUOTE: "letting go is hard, especially when you know you have to, and you know you don't want to." [by idk!]

I really like that quote! It SO applies to me right now....I need to let go of him, its been almost a year, but I can't....

I would love to write more, but my biology textbook is calling [lol.] I have a huge test tomorrow and i need to study!

hugs and kisses,
Cami

The hard part of life is learning the hard way...

Well, the title sorta explains it all. I've been having a pretty bad month at school. The people who I eat lunch with don't really like me anymore, well they do but they get annoyed at me cause I hang out with my best [school] friend! And like they don't like her anymore, its this whole drama thing. And now I don't even know who my real friends are anymore... And I guess its harder for me to fit in with them cause the people I sit with are both twins. So like there are 2 sets of twins and then me and this other girl who is just sorta there. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. lol! But I don't wanna go through the rest of the year like this, I don't wanna look back and be like "UGH I HATED 9th GRADE!" Oh well. I don't really know what to do anymore....

I've looked forward to high school,
ever since I was little,
and here I am,
wanting to go back to being little,
when you had no cares,
when you had no guy problems,
your friends never changed,
and when you could fall asleep without any worries,
without any tears.
My advice to you:
Just enjoy the moment,
Enjoy what you're doing THIS minute,
who you are RIGHT now,
and most importantly, never take someone for granted....

lol, that was sorta LAMEEEEE! But hey, maybe it'll make you laugh, maybe it'll give you that little burst of inspiration that you need, maybe it'll put a smile on you face, or make you realize some things, but whatever it did, just be happy with where you are in the world today.

lalalalalala. Wanna hear a joke? Well actually, I don't have any! :D I'll go and search for one and tell you once in my next entry. Yesh I will! hahahha.

I wanna give a shout out to my 2 bestest friends in the whole entire world:
I love you guys! I know I'm not perfect and I have my flaws, but thanks for always being there for me. I could never ever ask for anything more. And as life goes on, I know that we will always be forever friends. I promise you that no matter what happens I'll always be there for you. Even if we don't see each other every week, or sometimes every month, I'm always there, just a phone call away! I know that sounds cheesy, but its true! <3333333

Tomorrow is Mother's Day! Yay! I'm so glad I have a wonderful mom, I dont know what I'd do without her! I know she's not perfect, but she does the best she can, and that is all that matters.

Well I dont have anything else to say, so I'm logging off. Bye! Thanks for reading this incredibly boring entry!

love,
Cameron

My Blog....

Hey guys! My name is....well just call me Cami! I just made this blog...So yeah! I'll be posting random stuff about my life! Feel free to read it and comment! My best friend has a blog so I decided that maybe I should make one to, and maybe it'll help me sort out my problems or just like vent! Haha.

<3Cameron *the newbie*